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| I am so restless.
I know this has been going on so long, but it's really starting to get to me.
I suppose the coming spring is dulling it- along with a little acceptance. Since the hopes that have been up in the air so long are kind of falling, I'm realizing that I probably will be here for some time now.
And knowing that there has to be a reason makes it better too.
I'm just ready to move on. To experience something new. Something that will fill me up.
I don't even get it- because I have no reason to be dissatisfied, but I am.
I want to soak up His creation. I want to get away from the materialistic familiarity I am so accustomed to. I just want to experience things and find my place.
Just a little warm air, a plane ticket, and a little free time.
Thats all I want.
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Look at all my last entries. I need to get over this.
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| I guess you could say that I was afraid.
I try hard not to be. I try to remind myself that everything happens the way that it does for a purpose. That just because I have hopes and dreams that could potentially fail, that doesn't mean that failing isn't what is best for me.
I want things to happen my way.
(A selfish thing.)
But Colorado, finishing school quickly with good grades and a good mind, and pictures of what my life will look like I've created are always in the back of my mind, taunting me with the fact that I might never actually see them.
I already know my life is going to be perfect according to His will, and that's comforting.
I just wish I didn't have so many aspirations.
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| Time is moving quickly. I have spent too much time wishing things away. One thing that I can't stop being is restless.
And cheap.
I want to be healthy. I want to live lively. | | |
| Just two more days.
How bittersweet. (But mostly sweet)
Jump off bridges. (In the dark too)
Make up games.
Throw messages into the lake.
Bike.
Swim.
Have bad hygiene.
Live outside.
I want to go home, but i dont want things to be ordinary. I'm not ready for the warm weather to end either.
Time moves on though, and so will I.
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| Yes, life continues to be beautiful. I love it up here, and I'm so glad to be here.
But I still miss everyone at home. It sometimes makes me feel a little ill. Don't worry though. I come home end of August. Try being outside all day. Its making me happy. I'm never inside, unless i'm sleeping or eating a meal. Wow, with so much to think about, I have so little to say. Not now. | | |
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